It’s been a while since I wrote, but the silence this time is a good thing. Last time I blogged, I was going in and out of the hospital, which caused my oncologist to change up my treatment plan to try to avoid it the next time around. With that treatment plan, I have so far gone almost 5 weeks doing half doses of the same chemotherapy. The first half dose (two week period) caused a slight fever a week after receiving the treatment, but that only prompted an 8 hour stay in the 24-hour cancer clinic at Froedtert where I needed quite a bit of potassium and magnesium, as my levels were low but my white blood cell count wasn’t low enough to admit me for longer than my short overnight stay.
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Since then, I had my second half-dose without any issues and the first of my last two half-doses just a few days ago. What I’ve noticed over this 5 week period is how much better I feel with these less-intense doses. I have more energy, less symptoms, and although I’m still nauseous in the beginning, my bone and muscle pain is still pretty bad, and I have hot flashes like a 50-some year old woman going through menopause, I am finally starting to feel somewhat normal. I feel good enough to go out on dates with my boyfriend, go shopping with my sister’s, and do errands during the day without feeling like I’m going to pass out.
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The craziest thing about the half dose regiment is that my hair is starting to grow back already. Just within the last week, I’ve gone from mostly bald to peach fuzz all over my head. It’s coming just at the right time, because as the weather gets warmer, and as my hot flashes get worse, I would rather just go bald. Now I feel like I’m starting to get enough hair that I don’t feel so naked when I’m bald. It’s kind of adorable and I love the tiny bit of hair that I have. I’m mostly just anxious and very excited to find out how my hair is going to grow back. Will it be darker? Lighter? Curly? Straight? I cannot wait to find out. I get to start over new with my hair and, although losing my hair was one of the hardest things to deal with, starting new is exciting.
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I can see the end in sight now. I’m planning all the ways I want to celebrate once this is over. My plan is to go back to work starting the week of June 5th, so ill have a little time to get better and to celebrate before going back. I’m planning a nice dinner with my boyfriend, a small celebration with my family, and going up north to Presque Isle where John (my boyfriend) and I stay with his aunt and uncle at their cabin on a beautiful lake, all before returning to work on June 5th. I want to celebrate in any way I can. Not many people can say they fought cancer and won at 23, so I plan to milk it and treat myself a little bit. John and I are even planning a big vacation to Mexico sometime in November, because I deserve a vacation dammit.
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These past few months have been the toughest of my life so far, and I feel as though I have aged at least a few years in the short period of time I have been diagnosed, fought, and beat cancer. But now I have this beautiful view of my life and what the future holds for me. Yes, of course it is terrifying to think it could come back. But my outlook will forever be that the cancer is gone for good, and if it happens to come back, I’ll be prepared to kick it’s ass again. The only thing I can control right now is my positive outlook and that’s all I need. My future is bright. I’ve got a growing extended family, the love of my life, and a budding career in marketing ahead of me. I couldn’t ask for much more than that.
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I really want to give a shout out to all of the branches of my support system. I have felt more love and support over the last few months than I had ever expected to feel. First, to John. I love you so much; you are my rock. To my parents, for the everyday support and for taking care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. To the rest of my amazing family, for always being there to distract me and your willingness to help me out in any way that you can. To my best friends, for keeping the normalcy in my every day even in the least normal time of my life. And finally, to all my other friends and acquaintances for keeping me in your thoughts and for reaching out and brightening my day just by sending me simple message letting me know you’re thinking about me.
Mariah, you are such an amazing young women and we are so proud of you! This has been such a struggle for you over the last couple of months, but you managed it with your usual flair. First it was your thirst for as much information as you could get, then facing treatments head on. Overall you have maintained your positive outlook inspite of the huddles. Now, you are coming up to the last half dose! You look and feel so much better, you hair is growing back! I love the peach fuzz! I am so excited for you and can’t wait to see where life’s journey takes you. I love you!❤️
Mariah, I am so happy to hear you are doing better. I have been in touch with your mom for updates and you were in my thoughts and prayers everyday. You have always been so mature and a go getter and I am so happy to hear you are doing better. Live each day to the fullest and enjoy every moment you deserve it! Take time to smell the roses and celebrate before getting back to work and starting a regular adult routine. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.