Yesterday I got amazing news. After just three cycles of R-CHOP chemotherapy, the doctor tells me I’m basically in remission. My half way PET scan shows very little cancer left. It is amazing to know that all of this feeling crappy is completely worth it, and going the traditional chemotherapy route was the right way to go. Although there was no other way that I would have gone, but diving right into chemotherapy treatment is a terrifying step to make, especially knowing that I would have to do it for months before I even found out if it was working. But it works, and because of the terrifying treatment option I was given, and all the poison they’ve pumped into me, I am pretty much cancer free. Medicine is truly amazing.
Although going through with the rest of my treatments will be difficult as most people experience a worsening of symptoms as time goes on, and that doesn’t include the inevitable hospital stays in my future. The last few weeks have been difficult to say the least. It started a few days after receiving my last chemotherapy infusion with basic cold symptoms. I was also on heavy duty antibiotics at that point as a preventative measure to try to avoid a hospital stay this cycle. The cold wasn’t too horrible in the beginning, it was the stomach aches that came from the antibiotics that bothered me. Overall I didn’t feel as bad the week after chemo. I got through Friday with no problems, thinking (and praying) that I wouldn’t get a fever this time around. I went through Saturday still on edge. Saturday night rolled around, and my fever spiked. Like clockwork, I went to the ER and was admitted within a few hours to my normal place in the Center for Advanced Care at Froedtert hospital.
This hospital stay was longer than normal, spending 7 days admitted because of the fever, my low white blood cell count, and the cold didn’t help was was probably the reason for my extended stay. My cold stuck around (I still have symptoms today) through my hospital stay and after, though I thought it had gone away during my time in the hospital. Turns out, the normal symptoms you have during a cold (sniffing, congestion, sneezing) are caused by your immune system fighting the cold, so when I had no immune system in the hospital, those symptoms went away. But as soon as my white blood cell count went up, the symptoms all came back. But the worst part about it was after I was discharged from the hospital. I not only was exhausted from the lack of (good) sleep in the hospital, but I woke up in the middle of the night that Friday with horrible chills and night sweats, which persisted for days and never took a break. It was probably the most uncomfortable I have ever felt in my life. And like every weird and uncomfortable symptom I’ve gotten during this process, not knowing when a symptom would go away really messed with my emotions. I was definitely overly emotional this past week, with overwhelming feelings of loneliness and anxiety. But as the chills and sweats gradually got better, so did my emotions and I ended this week feeling much better.
The good news at my appointment yesterday also did wonders for my emotional state. Because of my persisting cold symptoms though, my oncologist made the executive decision to delay chemo until early next week to give me the weekend to relax and try to get over this cold. This, we (meaning my doctor and I) are hoping that the extra time, along with a different preventative antibiotic to try, will reduce my chances of getting admitted into the hospital again. We’re obviously hoping that I don’t get admitted again, but realistically, I’ve been admitted every time for a neutropenic fever with no real cause of the fevers ever found. So I kind of plan that 7 days after chemo I will get a fever and have to pack my bag for almost a week in the hospital. I always show up to the emergency room completely prepared, with my huge Vera Bradley duffel bag packed with comfy clothes, a pillow, a blanket, and anything else to make my days in the hospital as comfortable as possible. After being admitted into the hospital three times in two months, I’m pretty used to the whole routine. I know exactly what they are going to ask, what will need to do, when they’ll come to do my vitals and give me my pills throughout each day, I know a lot of the staff on floor 7 of the CFAC building and I’ve started developing relationships with them. It’s a little sad, but at the same time it makes it easier every time I get admitted. It’s nice to see a friendly face or have the same nurse during different stays, especially since all of the nurses and techs on the cancer floors of the hospital are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Not to mention the wonderful cleaning lady I’ve had every time I’ve been in the hospital who calls me sweetie and is always so genuinely concerned about how I am doing. But as much as I like the staff and I’m used to being in the hospital, I always hope that I don’t get a fever and I’m not admitted.
Hopefully next time I write, I have more good news (aka I didn’t get admitted to the hospital this time around).
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