Bald & Nauseous: The New Me

Sorry for the lack of updates recently! Turns out, chemo makes me want to do nothing but sleep.

I was prepared to lose my hair. After my last post, where I said that my hair was just starting to fall out, it took me less than 48 hours to decide to shave my hair. Once I realized it needed to be done, I, of course, cried to my mom (I’m a crier). Neither of us were expecting it to happen so fast so I think getting over that wall of deciding it’s time was harder than actually shaving it (at least for me, maybe not my mom). Overall, I had a lot of hair. Not everyone might jump the gun like I did, but the hair was primarily falling out at my part and in the front of my hair line, the most obvious spot. Frankly, it looked weird, so I decided to just get rid of it. Even now, almost a week and a half later, not all of it is gone. It’s patchy, but I don’t regret my decision to just shave it off. I actually have a nice shaped head; it was a pleasant surprise. I’m also surprised that I don’t get self-conscious walking around my house or hanging out with my family without a hat or scarf on. I mostly just wear something up there because my head is really cold! I feel like it would be more enjoyable to be bald in the summertime.

Other than my hair being gone, week three after my first chemo was fairly uneventful. It was really nice to have that rest week in there to make sure my body gets stronger and I have a bit of time to kind of prepare to go through everything over again. I felt surprisingly normal during this period of time, besides the anxiety that I felt looming over me as I prepared to go in for my second of six chemotherapies. Remember how last time I said chemo took 7.5 hours? This time I was able to receive the “rapid” version because I didn’t have any bad reactions to it, and it was knocked down to only 4.5 hours. I was thankful it went so much faster, and a lot of that is because I took a nap for the first hour and a half. A big thanks to my wonderful boyfriend, John, for accompanying me again – even though he had no idea how long it would take.

Chemo #2 & Beyond

Chemo this time took a lot out of me. I have never been more nauseous or tired in my life. The nausea was absolutely the worst, sticking with me constantly since the morning before chemo. Nothing I took or did got rid of it, the only way to avoid it was by sleeping (and luckily, I was able to do a lot of that). My meals during the day consisted of 1 Gogurt tube and maybe some cheese or crackers for lunch. I wasn’t hungry at all, but I had to force myself to eat something so I wasn’t starving myself. This still applies today, even though the nausea is much better. I just don’t find myself to be hungry, and most food I think about sounds just gross to me. Luckily, I’m usually able to eat a semi-normal amount of dinner, probably because my stomach is basically empty before it. My parents recently went out and bought a Nutribullet for our house, which I’m hoping will be an easy way for me to get some nutrients and protein if I’m not so hungry. Most doctors and other chemo patients say the most important thing to eat, if you aren’t eating much, is high-protein food, so when I do eat, that’s what I usually go for.

I’ve started seeing a “psycho-oncologist” which is basically just a psychologist for cancer patients and I am so glad I am. Being able to talk to someone who understands and helps other people who are going through the same things is a necessary addition to my frequent doctors’ visits. The idea of having to deal with this for the next 3-4 months is difficult, and is the cause of the major anxiety I have been having. Plus, I believe that this anxiety is actually making me more nauseous. The weirdest thing right now to deal with is my absolute aversion to anything that reminds me of chemotherapy. One of the huge ones right now is ice – yes, like ice cubes. For one of the medications I am given at chemo, I have to keep my mouth cold to avoid mouth sores. The first chemo I had I chewed ice, and now I can’t even look, hear, or think about ice without feeling like I’m going to be sick. Even writing it down here makes me sick to my stomach.